A Hungarian, Albert György, created this sculpture, titled Mélancolie (Melancholy), in the 1930s after the loss of his wife. The bronze sculpture is located on the promenade Quai du Mont Blanc in Geneva, Switzerland, and depicts a man contemplating the pain and emptiness of loss, as evidenced by the gaping hole.
As a GriefShare facilitator, I see faces of people who come to our 13-week program for help in navigating their grief with holes like this that I cannot see, but I know they are there.
What I find remarkable in this sculpture is the imagery beyond the hole, which parallels the grief of so many in the program. There is no hiding from grief and no replacing what was lost, as evidenced by the hole left behind.
The imagery is powerful, but external visuals suggest that some things are normal: powerful shoulders, smooth on the outside, slumped, along with the head hanging under the weight of grief. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Normal appearance on the outside. We can see the back of the head, facing a jagged hole ripped out by the loss.
I can imagine the eyes are tightly shut, not wanting to face the pain of the loss. I can also imagine the eyes could be open, searching for where part of the heart and soul once belonged. Those are lost in the loss of a loved one as defined by the hole.
There is no stopping grief. No running or hiding from it. The hole left behind is jagged, with rough edges that cut deeply. Moving on and getting back to normal are not options; the pain is too great, the edges too sharp. Normal is gone for good.
Despite the crushing weight of grief, there is hope when embracing the loss that enables moving forward with grief. A new normal will form as the hole fills over time; not by forgetting…but by remembering.
Grief only exists because there was first love. If there had been no love, there would be no grief. That tells us the hole exists, but it is temporary and can be filled by embracing the memories of that love… not dwelling on the pain of the loss.
Thinking must change along with forming a new perspective to begin filling the hole with a new normal, not to replace what was lost, but to remember the time shared and the precious memories that will never die. Protect those memories.
Lean in and trust the Holy Spirit to help fill the God-sized hole left behind by thinking like Philippians 4:8 suggests:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
You may be by yourself, but with God’s Holy Spirit, you’ll never be alone.
Peace! G.
