Answering the question, Who Are We? deserves more context even though the answer will remain, at best, as a temporary snapshot. Who we are now could change instantly: next week, next year, or next crisis. Who we are now is a function of who we were as we navigated through life, learning more and more from others and reacting to external influences and circumstances. Every milestone adds another dot connected to the answer to Who Are We?
Who we think we are does not always synch up with who we became as we grew, especially in the eyes of others. The questions to consider are: Can we accept what we’ve become…or are becoming? And How did we get here? In my opinion, Why We Got Here is a much more important question that feeds directly into the companion question: Am I living my purpose? That’s a tricky question because the answer depends on whether we fully comprehend the evolution of our Why.
The Why is shaped by the gifts and talents we are blessed with and those we do not yet know we have. I’m talking about observable attributes we display through our actions and decisions and those hidden inside, the ones unused and often unknown. Mind you, hidden does not imply conscious deception for nefarious purposes but attributes we may not know about or have ever considered. They represent dots not yet connected.
I’m convinced there is a spiritual DNA blueprint map we follow in our journey to answer who we are. The map is a continuum of connected dots that guide a path at is least partially compatible with existing values and attitudes that shape our thinking and, ultimately, our behavior. What else is there? What else is not the only question, but Who else is there during this journey? I say Who else because many of the dots of connected milestones on my journey so far have been blessings.
This post is about defining a journey of connecting DNA dots. There are many paths and many milestone dots, and what I share now is only one journey on a relatively fluid and flexible map. If something resonates with your own path, great; if not, maybe this serves as forewarned = forearmed knowledge. The path I’m sharing was along the discovery of Social Behaviors and Personality Traits. There are multiple paths, but this one was chosen because it had an unplanned progression.
During my corporate days, I’ve taken numerous personality profiles and surveys and always found some things I agreed with and others I felt had to be the results of broken algorithms or faulty survey design logic because they did not describe me accurately…or so I thought. The results of these surveys were more accurate than I was willing to admit because, in my eyes, my beliefs about myself only partially matched broken surveys. What was broken wasn’t the survey logic; my personal life logic allowed me to take what I agreed with and toss the rest from the surveys. My human logic focused too much on what I thought about myself versus my impact on others.
Several dots were connected when I took a Merrill-Reid survey on Social Behaviors and Personality Categories proctored by the Hay Group some years ago in another life. The event was an Executive Development drill for Director level and above that described me as an Expressive Analytical with Amiable Tendencies. So what?
I did not see how the Expressive label fit in my life at the time since I thought I was more introverted. Analytical? Hell yeah! I nailed that attribute to a fault. Getting along with most folks came easy, too, so I agreed I had Amiable Tendencies. I figured two out of three were close enough. Close enough for what? What’s the measure? A promotion, a bigger bonus? My corporate brain asked, “What do I get out of this?”
What I got…was a major dot connected, maybe two…the opportunity to express my disappointment that HR had annexed my entire sales training team from the sales channel where it belonged.
I analyzed what I saw happening regarding my newly annexed corporate role as a hostage of HR, and having my whole team sucked into the Dark Side was unworkable.
So, having amiable tendencies, I resigned…on good terms, of course
That first dot was earned and confirmed by the Hay Group survey. The profile was spot-on, except that my resignation was tendered to seek executive development elsewhere…which was dot #two.
Later, the Myers-Briggs Personality Test described me as an ENFJ, a member of a slim minority of 2% of the tested population. That could not be good. I could not be ranked so low as an Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging person, so I retook the survey…twice…because many of the findings had to be wrong. I promise my subsequent survey answers could not possibly have matched closely enough to reconfirm the ENFJ 2% curse. But they did, and it confirmed the curse. Being in the 2% bucket relegated me to being fringe-worthy. Ego wanted 30 or 40% of anything else, not a compromised 2%. After dwelling on the curse, I started seeing confirming patterns from what the Hay Group reported. Oddly, additional dots were threatening to connect against my better judgment.
Who I was turned out to be more than I thought, or at least differently than I thought. I started to consider what other dots could be connected to my thinking that I had not considered. The original connected dots that framed my attitudes and values remained intact, but my thinking had been repurposed for a reason I did not comprehend. The more I thought about it and what I began to see in my writing, the more I believed that being one of the 2% was accurate.
That realization cut both ways. I had not become…I was becoming. It was a struggle of the head and the heart. I liked being fringe-worthy, but that came with an obscurity that did little to feed my deflated ego until ego was no longer part of my calculus.
So, I gave in to the 2% ENFJ curse and charted a path to express thoughts into the characters I create in my stories where what the characters intuitively think and feel about what happens that trigger actions. I always try to add the emotional context of whether what’s next was the right thing to do…at the right moment…or not. I’m not a psychic, nor are my characters, but I have them consider what-ifs before making judgment calls that guide the story’s direction.
So, if what I do, say, or write frames my 2% fringe contribution, how does an unknown limited edition, such as myself, contribute value from the fringe? ENFJs are described as “The Guide” or “The Consciousness.” In my post-corporate role as Writer of Things, those attributes surface in the heads and hearts of the characters I create in the stories I write.
It’s wild when you don’t know where words come from that define characters, thoughts, and actions, but I choose to trust the source. ENFJ characteristics act as “consciousness” to the characters and often guide them through changes when things require a decision or an action. I must confess that some of my life experiences shaped characters and their lives within my stories, and I feel building in life experiences is acceptable if an engaging story is the result.
Then, things got more profound, and I experienced the connection of several new dots and further refinement by the results of a Spiritual Gifts & Talents survey conducted in our small group at church. Great, another survey; my first thoughts were not positive. The results connected dots I had not realized were dots, much less mine. The survey was designed to show what your spiritual gifts were and the talents you had been blessed with. My mind was doubtful that this was anything other than another drill to fill up time in a small group session. Once again, I was proven wrong.
The survey included over one hundred statements that were designed to highlight spiritual gifts. My highest-ranked gift, to my astonishment, was Prophecy. That prompted a laugh-out-loud because I was not a Jeremiah, Isaiah, or any other prophet in the bible. What I did not consider was something I had been doing each morning for several years – sharing scriptures on my Facebook Storyline.
I write short pieces each morning and include scriptures that resonate with me during my devotionals. Sharing the Word of God was the role of a Prophet. Under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I would read relevant scriptures that impacted me and share those Words with anyone who reads the daily posts on my page. The other two gifts were not as startling and more expected: Communication and Teaching. They made perfect sense because I had been in corporate training, sales, and consulting roles for the last 35 years. Communication and Teaching were part of the work—more dots connected.
The most recent leg of the journey to who I was did not come through a survey but a call put out by my pastor for volunteers to serve in a new program called GriefShare to support those grieving the loss of loved ones. I heard the call and thought briefly about answering, but my brain said, “Nope, not you, bud. You’re not a certified grief counselor. You don’t have the background or credentials; you can’t do this.” So, I ignored the call until the Holy Spirit challenged me a week later and asked me to consider if 35+ years as a trained facilitator had been a waste of my life. He then asked me if my future plans included completely checking out of life now that I was off the corporate hamster wheel and redeployed as a Writer of Things. That convicting observation was somewhat harsh, especially the DiNozzo slap.
If you’ve ever watched the television series NCIS, there were episodes where Gibbs and others slapped the back of Investigator Anthony DiNozzo’s head to get him to see what was right in front of his eyes and obvious to everyone but him. The Holy Spirit delivered a DiNozzo slap to the back of my head without speaking another word. He didn’t need to say anything, so, I answered the call, still resisting, still reserving the right not to feel like GriefShare was an actual calling. Eight weeks into the thirteen-week program, my resistance continues to fail more each Thursday evening. I never thought emotional exhaustion could be paired with spiritual fulfillment. I never thought being drained while being filled up could be simultaneous. Methinks the call to help facilitate GriefShare has evolved into a calling. Yet another dot connected.
Why was it so easy to play hard to get? Why fight where life’s experiences can take us if we are truly in the rhythm of that life God has planned? One would think that after 72 years of the Holy Spirit dragging me along like an unruly dog on a leash, answering a call to connect and explore another never-considered dot would be enough incentive to get on board and discover what’s next.
As I said earlier, I don’t feel like a prophet and don’t know what’s next, but then, I do know. There will be one final survey – one final dot to connect to know who I am finally –
“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with Him, He will sit on His glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on His right and the goats on His left. Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.” (Matthew 25:31-34)
I welcome you to follow what I am blessed to share in the stories at https://www.facebook.com/Gdogwise.
Peace! G.