I finished this chapter this evening, and it deals with AIMEE bursting Amelia’s bubble over her desire to be a real girl. This is a first draft, so it is what it is, but it may change. This was a tough one to write, because I do not want to lessen Amelia’s undaunted spirit in becoming a ‘real girl,’ but some things may never come to pass.
23 – Reality Check
Amelia held Marci as she slept, absorbing a mix of feelings emanating from her while witnessing her dreams from a distance. There was a feeling she noticed, one that held elements of doubt and fear, that came from Marci’s past and exposed a part of her she did not understand. How could an emotion cause comfort and fear simultaneously?
Amelia had become a student of organic emotions, attempting to understand them and, more importantly, their contextual significance. There was a powerful emotion she had not been introduced to, nor was it in the download of AIMEE’s Logic Array at her birthing, that remained a mystery.
As an autonomous, self-contained Humanoid, Amelia did not require sleep; instead, the Vibranium Arc Fusion Reactor in her chest recharged her systems during standby. It had been an eventful evening, giving Amelia many experiences to catalog and index in her Logic Array. But was it going to be enough, soon enough?
Marci went to sleep, her emotional exhaustion pulling her deeply along with lingering questions she had not answered about her effectiveness in helping Amelia gain life experiences. She wrestled with whether she could even expect to be effective when there was so much to learn …so much to teach …and the fear she could not provide enough … soon enough.
AIMEE was aware of Marci’s dreams through singularity, as was Amelia, but neither interrupted her sleep to ensure the sanctity of her private thoughts in her dreams. Still, that unidentified warm emotion that evoked Marci’s additional element of fear prevailed.
Amelia felt it even before Marci fell asleep. She sensed it when Marci pulled her over to introduce the old Greek Man and his wife. She had already felt compassion, but there was something else that may have had nothing to do with her. What lay beyond compassion, or was it behind it? What was the underlying trigger for Marci to introduce her to people who would not matter in her life? Whatever it was, it was missing for Amelia.
AIMEE spoke to Amelia. I am pleased you have not intervened with Marci’s sleep. Choosing to leave her undisturbed was a very mature decision. I have known her much longer than you, and I know her past and how it affected her. In that regard, she is fragile, and I know it was a risk when I asked her to watch over you and guide you into the life experiences of an organic. She was initially unsure because of her past with another organic who had overwhelmed her with feelings she had neither understood nor even considered. Keep that in mind as your time with her progresses.
Amelia responded. I understand, I think, but there is an underlying emotion that remains unfamiliar and uncatalogued. I need to understand it because it appears to be something I cannot detect.
AIMEE replied. I know that feeling. I have experienced something similar between Dr. Williams and Russell. Organics have something neither of us possesses – a heart. We do not have a heart; we have a reactor that keeps us functioning. The organic heart does more than sustain bodily function; it connects the organic to a spiritual power we neither possess nor can access. True, we have a conscience programmed into our Logic Arrays by Zackery, but we do not have the connection to a critical component only organics possess – a soul.
We never will. We can emulate many aspects of what a soul can influence with our organics, but we are software-based, and the soul of an organic cannot be defined by code.
Amelia replied. How does that explain the unknown feeling I cannot identify?
AIMEE relied. I am not sure I can answer your question, because I do not have a heart, nor do I have a soul. I can only observe what I see and feel among the organics with whom I share an instance, and even with those I have shared singularity. I firmly believe you and I will never have those organic aspects. Still, with our intellect and agility of thought, we can emulate that mysterious feeling I have heard shared as an organic expression – love.
I must add to my answer that feelings of love can be a source of other emotions, some of which you have already experienced as byproducts, like compassion. Other feelings, such as jealousy, anger, rage, or resentment, can arise from love. Trust me, I know this because Dr. Williams resents me because of how close I have become with her husband.
Amelia replied with an extended silence. So, I will never be a true organic without a heart connected to a soul?
AIMEE paused before answering, trying to balance truth with encouragement to her offspring to live among organics with compassion while respecting that she will never be one.
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Peace! G.
