The previous chapter, Thicker Than Blood, brought Kat to a decision: should she leave with Big Crow to live in the spirit realm and raise the baby with him or stay in the human realm without him when he left? The danger of leaving meant walking away from people she loved, like her big sister, Maddie, despite her sarcastic assholery. Was her paradigm incorrect?
* * * * *
Chapter #22 – Weight of the World
Is there anything worse than things left unsaid, and then when you finally get the chance to say them, it’s too late? That’s where Kat was hopelessly snagged within a tangle of what-ifs and why-nots. What does one do when one gets into hopeless situations where decisions are to be made that carry life-changing outcomes? One automatically calls mom…or a reasonable stand-in, who at this point was big sister Madeline Jackson. Hadn’t Maddie blown her off and suggested not to bother her with her twisted shit anymore…or something like that? Weighing her options to leave well enough alone and call someone who cared would set up the chance to leave too many things unsaid…no matter how painful the experience. Kat hated it when her better self broke in and prompted her to make the call. A smile creased her lips as a faint whiff of smoke teased her nose. She whispered, “Thank you, Crow.”
With hot coffee in place on the dinette, Kat paged down to MOM on her call list, drew a deep breath, and launched into another adventure with Maddie. The speaker was on, and the connection started to ring, and ring, and ring again before it clicked like it was headed to the voicemail greeting. Kat breathed out in relief and said, “Thank you, Jesus!”
Instead of the automated voice issuing instructions to leave a message, another voice said something unexpected, “Jesus ain’t here, sweet cheeks, never has been, and ain’t likely to be showin’ up no time soon,” said Maddie in her mocking Texas accent…make that Lewisville, Texas accent…that no one living there would ever speak like that.
Kat was shocked with guilt and felt worse than terrible knowing her sister had heard her sigh of relief when it sounded like a no-answer call switched to voice mail. That misstep assuredly put them in neutral corners, but methinks they were well-acquainted with a love-hate relationship, being neutral corners and well-equipped to do battle until they ran out of gas and decided to disagree and seal the deal with a couple-too-many shots of tequila. That’s just who they were, and that’s what they did.
“Thank you, Jesus, my ass,” Maddie growled. “You should’ve just hung up after that little faux pas.”
“I almost did,” confessed Kat, but, believe it or not, I’ve been looking forward to talking with you.”
Maddie replied abruptly, “About?”
“About two things. Do I want to keep you as my sister…or…should I run away with Big Crow with Little Feet and raise this baby together in the spiritual realm?”
“WHAT?” croaked Maddie as she blew coffee out her nose onto her laptop.
“HAH!” barked Kat as she taunted her sister, “I bet you just peed a little…dincha?”
Kat kept going, “He told me I could come with him and live happily ever after in the spirit realm. The downside, and I’m beginning to doubt it even exists, means leaving this world and those I love behind. When I take inventory of who’s in that group, I discover it’s kind of a short list. You’re on it right at the top, despite your efforts to dismiss me every time we talk.
“Hey, not every time,” Maddie protested weakly.
“Yes, you do, Madeline, and it was one of the reasons I called you even though you told me not to bother you. I need to make an important decision. Do I leave my sister, who I love despite her being an asshole at times…most times, actually, or do I stay and put up with her condescending shit?”
“Wow, when did you grow a spine?” taunted Maddie, ready to go to war.
“Just stop,” fumed Kat. “I’m serious. See? This is what I mean by you always dismissing me. You’re making it easy for me to make my point and make my decision.”
“Okay, I’m listening, Jesus,” Maddie said, “What was the other reason you called to talk with me about? This is hardly worth fighting over so far. C’mon, you can do better.”
“You’re not going to believe this…” Kat began to say.
“Okay, here it comes…” Kat could almost see Maddie roll her eyes.
Undaunted by the dismissive eye roll she could only imagine, Kat injected a note of truth, “He has a presence in me, and I like that very much. This storm of spirits and threats I’ve endured has become more manageable…maybe more tolerable is a better word because of the gifts he’s given me that you cannot begin to fathom. But I forgive you. I forgive you for the many times you have dismissed me. You break bad on me for not calling often enough and then cut me off at the knees with your sarcasm and relentless unbelief when I do.”
“That’s true,” confessed Maddie, “but it’s what we do. You do it to me, too, and you can be as relentless. I suppose I could plead self-defense, but why bother when we’re both guilty of the same thing?”
“Another reason I called? If I decide to be with him and walk away, I need to make sure I left nothing unsaid between us.” Kat said and fell silent.
“Well, what else has been left unsaid, Katherine Jackson?” The use of her full name was a tactic Kat used with Crow and Dew when she was pissed, and here was her big sister laying it on her. Kat just shook her head and did not respond, questioning whether it was a good idea to make this call or if it would be more of their same-shit-different-day routine.
“You know I call you MOM because she used to do this kind of crap, and I don’t need it from you, too,” complained Kat.
“Now you are going to bust mom after she’s been dead for three years?” scolded Maddie.
“Yeah, I did not want history to repeat itself by my leaving something left unsaid between us. What you said about me growing a spine was convicting in so many ways because I never stood up for myself. I never took anything for myself. No time, no chances. I learned to survive in a safe place and only ventured out when I felt attacked. Mom is in both of us, her words, her tactics, and I never pushed back and told her how hurtful her words bit so deeply. I resigned myself to live with the scars. I never told her my truth, and now it’s too late. I promised myself never to let that happen again. Feel me?”
Kat exhaled deeply as though she had been holding her breath between pinched shoulders, her body posture braced for another onslaught from her sister. As she contemplated what to say next, a wisp of smoke graced her nose, and Big Crow with Little Feet manifested across the dinette from her and reached to lay his hand over hers.
She never flinched when he showed up without being called, or maybe she had called him subconsciously. It didn’t matter; the calming influence and warmth of his hand over hers reminded her of a new power she probably should have used on her sister, but it was a long reach to Phoenix from Lewisville, after all.
“What do you want? She asked Crow, forgetting she was on speaker.
“What do I want? Are you asking me or talking to somebody else?” probed Maddie.
Kat said, “Big Crow just made his appearance, and I’m going to ask him to speak out loud so you can hear the real man sitting across from me.”
He grinned broadly, his gleaming smile contrasting with his brown skin. “Stand your ground, Katherine. Don’t feel so convicted, and stop being so hard on yourself. You have so much more than a spine because of your tenacity. That was one of the attributes I needed to see in you before your journey in this prophecy began. We would never have met if you had not shown that you had spunk enough to be with me.”
It took courage for you to call Madeline and not back down as you spoke your truth. I felt your heart battle over calling her or not, but you showed authenticity by being bold enough to speak the truth from your heart. You chose correctly to ensure you did right by your sister to make sure nothing was left unsaid. I know your heart, Katherine, and when your heart hurts, I feel it, just as you feel mine.” He squeezed her hand and winked.
Maddie remained silent. Kat returned his smile and turned her hand over to intertwine his fingers with hers.
He continued, “I’ve heard you two talking and sensed movement in your conversation escalating to a critical decision point. As part of my commitment to be with you always, I was prompted to come to you in person to clarify something you need to consider. Who said you had to leave to be with me and raise this precious child?”
Kat’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. Her mind had held a different paradigm; if he left, she would have to go with him to maintain the relationship that had captured her heart. He had told her a few things earlier that sounded like she could go with him, and that was the truth in her head, never considering she would not physically need to go with him. She never considered the option where her spirit was already with him. Why leave if they were already together? The decision to make regarding leaving or staying had evaporated.
“What the fuck?” exclaimed Maddie. “Have you been punking me this whole time?”
Crow jumped in with a terse answer to defend Kat before she could draw a breath to mount her defense, “No more punked than how you pretend to love your sister unconditionally and then denigrate her when she shares something from her heart. You can be cruel with your words, Madeline, so strive to use only the ones that carry truth and kindness. Katherine has those things in her heart with me.”
No one spoke for several seconds after Big Crow defended Kat.
Maddie was the first to break the silence, “What did you mean by in her heart with me?”
Before he could reply, Maddie suddenly shrieked as though startled. “Holy fuck, are you here? Show yourself! I smelled your smoke. Is this more of your Indian voodoo punk?
Big Crow answered firmly, “Here’s the big reveal, Madeline: I am in your heart with you, too. We share a bloodline connection from many generations ago. I explained this to you once before and you failed to hear my words. I have been with you and Katherine in your hearts since your mother and father created you.”
“No fucking way, Crow Feet,” Maddie blurted, “and you can get yourself out of my fucking heart and my fucking head.” She was pissed enough to unleash her potty mouth in full bloom.
“That’s not possible,” Madeline said Big Crow, his voice becoming sterner. “Step away from your unbelieving heart, drop the vulgarity, and listen long enough to comprehend a reality you cannot or are not willing to accept. Your avoidance of truth is starting to sound like an irritating noise. Could you turn it off and listen for a change? Our connection, yours and mine, is permanent but not as powerful as my connection with your sister. I only share with the hearts I’ve chosen. You see, I do not need to be there in person to speak into your heart since I am already there. We are on the phone now, but I do not need a phone to talk with you, only a reason to do so. Nobody can see or hear me unless I give their heart permission. Your heart needs nothing from me, but your sister does.
Remember when we first met in your kitchen? I connected by choice to enter your mind and heart and allowed you to see what my heart was there to show you. At that time, you needed validation of whether I was real or some fantasy of Katherine’s imagination. You were not of the mind to take your sister’s fantastical stories on faith about me and my role in her journey. As a result, you doubted and dismissed her, even after encouraging her to share. You were cruel to her and only needed proof to heal your unbelief. I gave proof to you that morning, and now here we are, connected permanently by the spirits of our blood. I influenced Katherine to make this call not because I wanted to speak with you,” said Big Crow, showing an edge of his anger.
“That same blood connection in Katherine’s heart has become special to me, something I’ve never experienced or even considered as part of my life as a spirit. Maybe if I had not been murdered by the Blue Legs so long ago as a young man, I might not have missed some of those things I now feel are so important. Our heart relationship is what binds us together. I’ve often told her I would always be with her, and I am, in her heart, and manifest as a man to be with her when called upon. I will never leave her, even if I am not here physically. Katherine does not need to go with me to be with me.”
Both women were stunned and without words, but not all for the same reasons. For Maddie, having an ancient medicine man’s spirit drop a smoky rebuke in her lap robbed her of anger and thrust her into contemplative silence. He was spot on, and she knew it, and she felt the weight of conviction in her now fractured heart. The tears that streamed down her face spoke loudly over the silence that sealed her lips.
For Kat, it felt like the world’s weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She no longer needed to face the crushing pain of making a decision. She no longer needed to choose between remaining in the physical world or leaving and walking away from her love of Maddie, despite her big sister’s assholery.
Maddie finally calmed and spoke barely above a whisper, “Sweet sister, I’m so sorry. My cruelty toward you has been inexcusable, and you don’t deserve any of that. Apologizing now does nothing to mend the damage I’ve inflicted on someone I love. I’m sorry for all of it and hope you can forgive me.”
“I do forgive you, sister, and your apology is accepted completely.”
The fresh tears flowing down Kat’s cheeks were swiped away with the heels of her hands as she stood, flung her arms around Crow’s neck, and hugged him fiercely. “I love you, Big Crow with Little Feet, and never want to be separated from you. I need you with me always.”
“Always, and I love you as I never imagined possible. We have a long way to travel together, Katherine,” he said softly, wrapped his powerful arms around her, pulled her tight to his body, and kissed her mouth gently. Her lips parted, and she returned his kiss as demanded by her heart, knowing they would never be apart.
* * *
The End
* * * * *
As with most stories I write, the Relentless Wench Muse, who manages to remain just out of reach, dictates when a story has been told entirely. Several chapters earlier, I tried to end this tale, but her sweet Australian accent whispered, “There’s more story here, mate!”
So here we are…and I hope you enjoyed reading this one!
* * * * *
I hope you enjoyed these chapters! “Puye Prophecy” will become a new book after I’ve edited it until my fingers bleed. The individual chapters will remain as written, but as is my custom, changes will occur as I edit…seems it never ends.
I would love to know your thoughts so far. gdogwise@live.com
* * * * *
This chapter is also posted on my blog, Learning by Living, or https://learningbyliving.blog. It’s FREE to subscribe, and all new posts, stories, working chapters, and samples appear there frequently.
Scroll down to the bottom of the Learning by Living home page to subscribe.
* * * * *
Here’s a Springtime bonus for my readers!
My 1st published novel, “Mirror Mirror,” is now a downloadable PDF for FREE.
https://bit.ly/4izzxpF
* * * * *
You are invited to follow my writing and other randomness of thoughts on my FREE
Facebook Author Page
at https://www.facebook.com/Gdogwise
Peace! G.